Always the shortcut

Something feels off and it has done so for years. First it took me forever to finish my bachelors degree, despite feeling above average in terms of intelligence and capabilities. 

I failed to show to myself that I could do it if I just put in the effort. Despite wanting to put in the effort required I hardly ever did put it in. Eventually somehow I did complete my bachelors degree, hooray. 

Working life started. I got a consulting job, for which I successfully took an iq test which about 90% of applicants failed. This is not to show off, but I consider it a confirmation that I am not dumb. Work was a struggle, mostly due to my motivation I think. 

I ended up with an ADHD diagnosis and got medication prescribed for it. 

It got me onto a track of: ohh, this is it and the medication will make things better from now on. For a while things did get better. But they also got worse again and I went through the same struggles.

At the same time life happens and with two wonderful kids added to the lives of my wife and I. My work related issues were easy to ignore for a few years, but they were always there, beneath the surface.

Fast forward about eight years. A new search to figure out why work is so hard for me. By now ChatGPT exists and I also love going on Reddit. There are many great subforums on there, one for each possible disease or allergy or other mental or physical issue. I got into supplements, vitamins, minerals, amino acids, herbs. I tried almost everything under the sun that I found on Reddit and what ChatGPT recommended to me. 

Why do I even try to fix myself with such a basic shortcut as a pill. None of the pills really did anything for me, at least not noticeably. That is not to say it will not work for anyone, but I know from previous blood tests I had done that the only thing that is ever on the low end for me, is vitamin D (which funnily enough I did not supplement this time!).

Next I learnt about neuro inflammation and the gut-brain axis as well as dopamine. This actually turned out great for me. It finally gave me the strength to quit sugar.  Not to get rid of the few kilos I carried extra for years, but to get rid of neuro inflammations. 

At the time of writing this I am about eleven weeks sugar free. Or to be precise: without refined sugars or with strongly reduced sugars I should say. No more sweets, pastries or ice cream. No ketchup or other sauce with meals. I’m dropping weight like crazy and about four weeks into this ‘sugar free’ lifestyle I felt I conquered it. Zero effort to resist sugar.

Whether it actually does anything for possible neuro inflammations, no idea. But I love that I am now sugar free and exercising regularly  The dog loves that I take him on walks for over two hours per day now, 7 days a week.

So things are going much better for me now. Still I look for more improvements. Work still doesn’t make me happy. I have also found out that too much screen time on a day really depletes my energy the following day. That doesn’t stop me from having evening chats with ChatGPT for hours every evening to help me find my perfect career.

I think my counselor, ChatGPT, is one of the last remaining issues I actually still have. ChatGPT and Reddit are my main 'addictions' and distractions now.

However, ChatGPT also gives me good insight into things. Not all is bad about it. I do need to stop getting any confirmation I seek, from a large language model and learn to follow my intuition instead.

So to keep it intuitive I’ll do the things that make me feel better and I’ll try to minimize or quit the things that make me feel worse. 

No more shortcuts for me. From now on I will try to play the long game. Write and publish often, exercise, eat and drink healthy, get plenty of fresh air and socialize with people. Oh and I almost forgot: prioritize my sleep!